Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
