3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
