Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
