I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
