I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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