im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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