thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
