dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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