Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's shark week go big or go home
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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