Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
