I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
