It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
