so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
