I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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