PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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