The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
