At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
