Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
