I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
