Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
