I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
