I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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