I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
