P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
