I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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