I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
