first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
