He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
