I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
