I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
