My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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