His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
