Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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