It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
