My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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