My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
