official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
