I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
