This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
