brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
