Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
