You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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