I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
