I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
