i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
