I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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