Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I am spending my child support on dildos
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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