I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
wakey wakey hands off snakey
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
