it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
