I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
