U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
