He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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